Black Hole Thoughts

Doing well and barely there  But really I am good  I know you think I’m hiding  Something that I’m fighting  I’m just misunderstood  I don’t know what it is  Holding down  this fear I’ve found  by being disappointing  All is well can’t you tell  No filter that is needed But wait come back  Help is what I pleaded  Fix this broken piece  Inside of me It hurts to be  Take it out  It’s hurting now  I’m tired  I’m doing pretty good  Perfectly great and well Like I always should  See me smiling Nothing that I’m hiding  Push it down  hold it there  I told you I was good….

Find me in that cozy place My mind carved out to search Pulling from the embers The secrets on their perch From the ashes come the bloom renewing all within its path beauty to behold once more  despite the overwhelming wrath Rerooting, growing, sprouting out like the springs meekest flower Too proud to call attention yet the fields she did empower Lonely graves turn into gardens  holding back that tender smirk Seasons change, ebb and flow but wickedness may lurk hesitantly letting go  hallowed moonlight dance Under stars of weary hearts darkness takes its chance Sudden hopeless serotonin quickly plummets to its death Euphorically crying out  until its dying breath

Tell me not what I want to hear but what you mean to say For if every word is lined with only love never to dismay Will the presence of your heart ever be so inclined to stay? Am I worthy of the darkest night that brought us to this day?

Beautiful Betrayer in your admirable cloak   you left me in the darkness taking up your yoke Begging for a savior stretching out my hand   Why did you forsake me in that forbidden land  Was I yet unworthy of a rescuing redeemer  Hopeless omnipotent, self-righteous demeanor  Basking in the darkness where I spread my hate  Hardened, Blackened heart nobody’s to take  Inward spewing fiery loathing pain  Loving me is worthless, not an ounce to gain.  I found love in the valleys swallowing me whole Bruising gashes fervently take upon my soul Coming up for air searching through the night  Bring me out of Sheol and back into your light  Tearing down the veil, beckoning my heart Pour your spirit out with the love that you impart 

All pieces scattered among our home Kneeling down searching, I roam Help me I cry out in a whispered lull Monsters within us are taking their toll Gripping and grasping, tearing our soul You have me, you took me but let her go  I beg the heartache and hurt to subside Please don’t take her along for the ride  Beastly protector raging intensely  The pain your causing is hurting immensely  Tiny but mighty I know she’s a fighter  I’d take it all to make her feel lighter  Why take hostage the thoughts of her mind Loosen your grip, just help her unwind  The burden is heavy for such a child  Praying for patience and a temper more mild  Hand her to me I’ll care for her heart  Help me to love her until it departs  Grace in the waiting and trusting his will Know who is God, find rest and be still 

To be a fly on the wall of the brain consuming the space inside the place you call your head  Wishing to be be fully whole and complete or maybe just to be dull or be dead  She and the devil hash it out in the darkness hiding the fears of the life ahead  Beyond the now into the past getting stuck, how long does it last  No one is out there like they are in here  where the grayness is vast  Pull it out from within let it go it begins to heal the hurt that’s harassed  Mercy and grace pulling up from a place where darkness and light contrast